Your gentleness...

I'm having a hard day today and I really don't know what I'm doing right now but I don't want to miss a day telling you all the reasons that you are amazing. Today I went and signed the paperwork to file for divorce and ironically enough Joshua called me and said we needed to sit down and figure out a schedule and finish separating stuff and I told him that I was filing. The reason I'm telling you this is because it's so amazing how different people can be. I've always been one to be fair and I try to do whats right and Josh is so very "do what I want when I want no matter who or what gets hurt." His statement today before I told him what I was going to do was...I was thinking that you could have him 2 or three weekends out of the month that would give you six days with him. And all I can picture is you and how you are with your kids, knowing that had you been in the same position with the power you would have done what I was doing and offered equal time so that the kids could have both parents. You are so gentle when it comes the the things in life that are sincerely important...mostly when it comes to emotional well being and I truly admire that about you. You are so amazing with all of the kids and with everyone that you care about. You're a tall and skinny teddy bear, whom  I love very much.

Your Touch...

It was a little odd for me in the beginning but it is something I can't live without now. I was so used to not having that physical contact when we first stared dating that I didn't really know how to respond to it. But, your touch, your hands running across my skin just as we pass by each other through the house sends electricity through me. Your hands across my chest or sliding up and down my hips just excites me even more. I love the warmth that your touch brings to me and the sensation of what that touch means to both of us. Your need for touch has created an unrelenting desire to be touched by you. I Love You.

Your Skin…

    Simple it seems that something like your skin would be something that would make me go crazy. It is one of the more intimate parts of our relationship, holding each other so close and nothing between the two of us.  Utterly wild it sometimes makes me and maddening being so close to you and yet not being able to touch you. My favorite thing being able run my hands along your chest, so amazingly smooth your skin is there. I love the warmth that your skin brings to mine, especially in the winter when I start turning into ice cubes at night. Just being near you makes my whole body pay attention to the nearness and the feel of your presence. I love that you are always ready to press that amazing skin as close to me as possible just to be as near to me as I want to be to you. I love you.

Your arms….

     I started to post this yesterday but unfortunately we had our hands full with all of the kids which made it a little bit hectic.

So warm and inviting your amazing arms can be. Even when it seems the rest of the world has fallen into complete shambles the moment that your arms are wrapped around me I am safe. There is nothing better than feeling your arms pulling me into your embrace protecting me from the rest of the harsh and cruel world that I so often can’t handle alone. You could be gone for hours or days and my worry and anxieties are instantly washed away by that first embrace when you walk in the door with my head on your chest and you kissing my forehead. I know that sometimes it seems that I’m a very strong and self-reliant person but without those arms constantly pulling away all the frustrations and insecurities I would just be another ordinary, crazy, lost little girl.  I don’t think you realize really what you and your strong arms do to me. When I’m having a bad day and you wrap your arms around me I literally feel like all the anxiety, stress,  worry, and sadness and everything else I may be feeling is pulled out of my chest and washed clean away. I don’t know how you do it. I trust you more than anyone and I believe in everything that you say and everything you have offered me and your arms have become my safe haven. I want nothing more than to be wrapped in your arms forever, with you. I Love You

Your Lips...

I can’t wait til you get home. Everyday I’m awaiting the sensation that rushes through me when your lips touch mine. The tingles that each kiss gives me. My head swims and just like in the books my knees go weak. I can’t help it, you just have this incredible affect over me. The warmth of your tongue and your breath as the press against my skin is so thrilling I can’t keep still. I could spend hours simply kissing your amazing lips, lost in the moments full of the passion that keep me wanting more. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Your ability to get just as lost in the passionate kisses and heated moments as easily as I do. Kissing you is my absolute favorite thing, there is just so much that can be said in a kiss that can’t be said any way else. The kisses in the morning say hello gorgeous, even though your breath stinks and your hair’s a mess and you hit me in the face with a flailing arm last night…I still love you. The kisses as I leave in the morning say come back to bed I don’t want you to go because I miss you too much even though I like your side of the bed better. The kisses after work say I’m exhausted but not too tired to do whatever it takes to make you happy. The kisses before bed say one of two things. One, I love you so very much and I want to show you exactly how much that is….dance with me a while. Two, I love you so very much I want to hold you close all night and do this all over again until the end of forever. Your kisses mean the world to me and I hold them so very highly in my mind. I love that it’s you I’m kissing every day because, I Love You.

Your eyes...

Some how you have managed to completely captivate me in just a matter of seconds. All I have to do is look into your eyes and there is instantly nothing else around us. The world just consists of the two of us. You have this way of speaking through your eyes, they say the words that you aren't always capable of saying. My favorite look of yours being your sultry "I want you" look that you pull off so well by dipping your head a little low so that you have to look up at me you get this sexy smirk on your face and your eyes just sparkle in the many shades of blue and green and gray through your thick black lashes with eyes that are slightly closed and so effortlessly focused on me. In those moments my breath catches in my chest and all I can do is smile back at you until I can breathe again and wrap you in my arms. Your eyes always say it all. I can see when you're happy, sad, frustrated, loved and so many emotions and feelings that aren't so easy to describe. I Love that when you look at me there is nothing else more important in the world than me and you and that moment. I love you more every day.

Your Smell...

I'm smelling you all over the pillows I've been trying to take a nap on. It's my lazy Tuesday and the last Tuesday I'll  have off before starting the new schedule we've both been anticipating so much. I can't help but be a little sad that you aren't here with me nuzzling my neck like you do when you pull me close. I love it when you do that. It makes me giggle.

Laying here trying to fall asleep and I can't quit thinking of you. As usual. I'm picturing you sleeping last night and how peaceful you were. I'm seeing the way you look at me with those eyes that beckon me nearer, always nearer.  I can't stop thinking of the way your skin feels, so smooth like porcelain but warm like the sun. I'm missing your kisses that engulf me in a sea of momentary madness where I want to find a way to push myself into you so that I'm never without you.

This moment that I've bee having without you is so surreal. Knowing that this is mine. You are mine. I can have you always. And knowing that I DO want you, always, like no other, it's just so strange a concept to me. This moment, knowing that you aren't here and realizing that bits of you are still here is just so amazing. Your smell on the pillows and sheets I'm laying on. Your clothes in the corner. Your things on the dresser. It's a moment that I am forever grateful for because it  means that you are mine and we have opened ourselves to something so amazing that we have still yet to grasp the enormity of it.

My Sun, My Moon, My Life. You have brought back an amazing outlook on life that I haven't seen in years and it's nice to finally be able to look around and see love, and not only remember what it feels like but to actually FEEL it again. I Love you because of who you have become to me.

Necessity...

I've loved you since the first moment we spoke. Well not quite that drastic but I definitely had an instant attraction once we started talking. Somehow you've managed to make a such a lasting and deep impression on me that the moment you walk away from me I'm missing you almost desperately. No one has had this effect on me. You've provided something so important to me that my mind, body, and soul ache for you when you aren't near. I think of you almost all day and selfishly wish that there were a way that we could have more time together. I love you out of a desperate necessity because you fill all of my empty spaces and brokenness with your understanding and unending love. I Love You.

Master Chef...

No matter the time of day, cuisine, or event somehow you always manage to take over at dinner time. You take one more thing off my plate that I tend to stress over. You make my belly full and my brain a little more peaceful. I love that you not only take the initiative to cook but that you also are very good at it. I like helping out in the kitchen I'm just not so good at the consistency of cooking everyday. This is why I love you.

Date Nights...

I love that you took the time to plan a date night for us. Especially considering how busy the both of us have been. I get excited just to have some time for the two of us for a little while doing something together. I don't know how much better a date can get than dinner, massages, drinks, karaoke, and home for a late night rendezvous ;-) I Love You